It’s been ages since he last saw this house, but somehow the walk up the driveway still feels familiar. Almost like coming home, even though this hasn’t been home since before he and Danneel got engaged. It stopped feeling like it in the first year of marital bliss, when it was Jared and Genevieve’s and Jensen was happy to belong somewhere else.
He thought that might make picking Jared up here uncomfortable, but he hears the barking start when he’s still seven feet from the entrance, and he feels ten years younger and a lifetime lighter. He doesn’t get a chance to knock before the sound alerts Jared of his presence, just like old times, even if the ruckus has been cut in half.
It’s Jay who opens the door and smiles at him.
“Hey,” she says.
She’s stooped over, holding Sadie back by the collar, but she gives up once the dog sees Jensen. Sadie’s gotten old in the last few years, but she either remembers Jensen or she’s every bit as unfaithful as Jared always used to say she was, because she does her best to jump up for attention. Whatever the motive, Jensen is more than happy to get down on one knee and let the dog lick him, her tail wagging madly behind her.
“Hey girl,” he says, patting her neck. “Did you miss me?”
Sadie barks and Jay rolls her eyes. “You probably just smell like bacon,” she says, walking into the house and leaving the door for Jensen to shut.
He gives Sadie a few more seconds of attention before rising to his feet and following her inside. “Who says I’ve had bacon today?”
“You always smell like bacon,” Jay replies. “Why do you think I’m attracted to you, your personality?”
Jensen glares at the back of her head, but Jay only gives him a self-pleased smirk when she turns to face him. “I need to walk the little lady, if you want to come with.”
Jensen looks her over. Her hair is half up, pinned in the back so it curls around her face in beautiful ringlets. She’s wearing a bright yellow halter top and cutoff jeans, and the boots on her legs do more to exaggerate how long they are than to keep them warm. She looks so good his blood feels hot, but the idea of letting her out like that makes him feel like a dad on prom night. It’s early winter in Canada, and she’s from Texas for Pete’s sake.
“You didn’t really dress for the weather there, did you?”
“I’ll grab a coat,” she says, shrugging as she pulls Sadie’s leash off the hook by the door and tosses it to Jensen. “Get her ready to go, will you?”
Jensen nods. “Make sure it's a really big coat,” he replies, grabbing Sadie’s face and talking directly to the dog. “Your mommy is going to freeze to death and everyone will blame me.”
“It’s the price we girls pay for fashion,” Jay yells out. She’s disappeared into the coat closet and when she finally emerges, Jensen can’t help laughing.
“This big enough for you?” she asks through a giant fake leopard skin coat. It’s so long it fluffs around her neck like a pillow and very nearly reaches her feet. “Alright, Mr. Director. I’m ready for my close-up.”
He shakes his head, watching as she strolls dramatically forward. “You’re a ridiculous human being,” he tells her.
She pauses and pouts her shiny pink lips at him. “You’re no fun anymore.”
Jensen grabs the door handle and Jay’s eyes follow his hand until she steps forward and stops him. “You don’t have to go out with me like this,” she says before he can open it. “Someone might recognize you.”
Jensen frowns. “Are you kidding me right now?”
Her lips thin, but she lets go of his wrist and lets him turn the latch. “I’m just…I’m just saying. I’m not really famous anymore. Not enough that anyone will recognize me like this. But you? The paparazzi’s going to notice if you walk outside with someone like me. It could hurt your reputation.”
Jensen shrugs it off. “Pretty sure they’d notice anyone standing next to that thing,” he says, poking her coat fondly.
She gives him a grudging smile and locks the door behind them, taking Sadie’s leash from him as they begin to walk. Jensen turns instinctively in the direction of the park, and that makes Jay’s smile soften.
“Is that how this started?” Jensen asks. “Anita, I mean. Was it so you could go to the clubs without being recognized?”
Jay looks out at the street pensively, and she’s quiet so long Jensen wonders if the question upset her. Finally she replies, “Maybe. A little bit. I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “I told myself that at first. When I wasn’t quite ready to admit…” She bites her bottom lip. “Mostly this is just me, Jensen. And I’m so goddamn tired of pretending it isn’t. I won’t anymore. Not for my career, not for anything. Not even—not even if it means I can’t have you.” She lets out a bitter laugh. “At least I learned that much from my marriage.”
“Genevieve,” Jensen says, trying to figure out how to phrase the question, “did she, uh, catch you?”
“I never cheated on her, if that’s what you’re asking,” she replies.
“But she knew? About Anita? Is that why you guys split?”
Jay tugs Sadie’s leash away from a bush and starts walking, leaving Jensen to catch up with them. “We split for about a hundred reasons, and this was just one of them. I don’t actually know how much she knew about it or how she found out. Honestly, toward the end, we both knew just enough to really gut each other. It wasn’t pretty.”
Jensen nods. He remembers. His break with Danneel was more sad than angry, and they parted on something like amicable terms. But that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten the fights, that nasty impulse to say the worst thing possible, or what it felt like to hear those things from someone he loved. He takes Jay’s hand and squeezes it, trying to offer comfort, but she just shakes her head.
“I should never have married her,” she admits. “I loved her the best I could, but it wasn’t ever gonna be enough. I knew that, even at the time. I should have listened to Sandy, as she’s been so eager to remind me every time I’ve seen her in the last four years.”
“Sandy?” Jensen asks, surprised. He’d almost forgotten about Sandy. “Sandy knows?”
Jay lets her head fall back as she laughs deeply, and Jensen watches until she manages to get herself under control. “Oh god, I forgot anyone took that seriously. Sandy always knew.”
“What?” Jensen stops, and Sadie takes the opportunity to sniff at a nearby tree. “But you two were—”
“So cute it was disgusting,” Jay supplies cheerfully. “We really put on a show, huh?”
Jensen tries to wrap his head around it. “So she was, like, your beard?”
“Pretty much.” Jay’s smile falters. “And then she wasn’t.”
“What happened?” Jensen asks, laughing just a bit. “How do you get dumped by a beard?”
“I asked her to marry me. Actually marry me.” Jay grins the way Jared used to when he’d pulled a particularly good prank. “Told her I was going to be a good husband and love her right and try so hard to be normal. She laughed in my face. Told me I was crazy and called off the whole thing.”
Jensen frowns despite her mocking tone. “Why would you do that? If you already knew you were into men?”
Jay leads Sadie off the path and sits on a blue bench under a big tree; she indicates that Jensen should come sit next to her, so he does.
“One day I looked at you and Danneel and I just got it, you know? No more point in hoping. You two were serious. You were going to get married. She was perfect for you and I was just your big dorky co-star.” Jay looks over at Jensen and smiles sardonically. “I figured there goes my one shot at getting what I want, so I might as well try to be normal. Why risk my career with a man when I wasn’t really gonna be content no matter who I ended up with, boy or girl?”
“That was a stupid thing to think,” Jensen tells her.
“Is exactly what Sandy said,” Jay replies with a grin. “Anyway, I did try. And I loved Genevieve and I love my son to death, but I never should have dragged her into it. I'm not proud, but there it is.”
Jensen nods. He looks down at his hands. He’d liked Genevieve; he hates the thought that he brought her pain, however indirectly. He wishes—not for the first time this week—that he’d figured things out a decade sooner. “That why you never warmed to Danneel?”
Jared had never been anything but civil to her, but Jensen was stumped for a long time over the fact that they hadn’t ever gotten close. He was so warm back then, so quick to be anyone’s friend.
“She was so gorgeous,” Jay says. “And fun and warm. She was everything you needed, and I’m just a big clumsy mix up in a dress at the best of times.” Jay frowns and turns to watch Sadie as the dog wanders a few feet away, sniffing at a pile of sticks. “All I ever wanted was to be your girl. How was I supposed to like her?”
Jensen wonders briefly if that has anything to do with Anita's red hair, but he's not cruel enough to ask. He doesn't know what else to say, so he takes one of her hands in his and examines her bright yellow nails. They must match the halter top she has on under the coat, and Jensen can’t help grinning despite the conversation they're having. A part of him still finds it surreal that Jared changes into a woman sometimes, but this is such a puzzlingly feminine thing to do that it brings it home just how complete the transformation is. He’s never understood where women find time to coordinate nail polish; he doesn't think any man ever could.
“You’re not a mix up,” he tells her for what feels like the hundredth time. “I wish you’d stop saying things like that.”
“I’m not…” She brings the hand Jensen isn’t inspecting up to her mouth and passes her fingers over her lips. “I know I’m not unattractive. As a man. But I’m so…so bulky. I just want to be pretty. I’ve always wanted to be pretty. Don’t get mad, because I know you hate hearing shit like this, but I used to be a little jealous of you.” Her eyes dart over Jensen’s face. “No offence, but so goddamn pretty.”
“Well, there’s some irony,” Jensen mutters. “I always wanted to be built like you.”
Jay smiles coyly. “At least I didn’t get old as fast as you did.”
“You’re an asshole,” Jensen answers, tugging her hair just enough to annoy her.
“I’ve always been an asshole,” she answers, standing up. "Let's head back. I'm freezing my tits off."
“I did try to warn you,” he says, taking her hand as he walks. He’s never held hands with someone like this, someone taller than him, not since he was a kid at least. It feels awkward and a little uncomfortable, but the way Jay smiles when their fingers tangle is more than enough to make up for it.
“So, not that I don’t appreciate playing catch-up,” Jensen says as they head back toward Jay’s house, “but this didn’t really feel like a date.”
“Hmm,” she says, and Jensen decides to take it as her way of agreeing with him.
“We should go out to dinner,” he continues. “We should go to Morton’s. Haven’t had a decent steak since the last time I was in Texas.”
“They cook for skinny people in L.A., chubs,” Jay says, patting Jensen’s stomach playfully.
“We don’t all cheat and wear corsets,” Jensen replies, grinning.
She makes a sour face. “It’s not cheating, and I’m not even wearing one now.”
“Tell it to the cops,” Jensen says. He stops just before they leave the park and looks up at her. “So Morton’s?”
“People will recognize us there. Both of us.”
Jensen shrugs. “I’m supposed to care because?”
“Jen, you don’t have to pretend to be more okay with this than you are. I know it’s only been a week for you. We can slow down.”
Jensen rises a few inches, cupping her neck and kissing her hard right there in the middle of the path. Jay looks a little shocked and a whole lot breathless when he pulls away.
“I don’t care who sees me with you. Hell, I want them to see me with you. You’re beautiful, everyone should see you.”
“Jensen,” she says brokenly, bringing her fingers up to her lips. She looks around, as if to confirm that he did, in fact, just kiss her in the middle of a busy park. “I don’t believe this is real.”
“I don’t believe you haven’t agreed to go out with me yet,” he replies.
She laughs quietly, links their arms, and keeps walking. “Okay, but I need time to change. This outfit is not date night appropriate.”
Jensen’s pretty sure they’ve been to Morton’s in t shirts and jeans—occasionally covered in grave dirt after a day as Sam and Dean Winchester—enough times that no one will care. But he just lets out a put-upon sigh and mutters, “Women.”
Her ankle is pressed tight against Jensen's under the table. This is nothing new, not unfamiliar or scary, despite the worry that had her stopping every five minutes on the way here, asking Jensen if he was sure he wanted to do this.
Morton's in Vancouver on a Monday night, Jared and Jensen across from each other, too tired to talk as they dig into their steaks. Jensen knows the blood will spill out and pool on Jay's plate before she cuts into it; he's watched it happen a thousand times before. Even the contact, their feet tangled together, possessive and protective and warm, that's not something she didn't do before. Jensen just didn't think to question it.
The only way this varies from the other times is that this version of Jared is wearing a tight black dress, a shawl wrapped around her impossibly broad shoulders, and her smile is bathed in bright red lipstick as she steals Jensen's wine cup to compare it to her own. Jensen thought it would be strange, that maybe he'd have to convince himself he was okay with this as much as Jay, but it's not. It's them. It's what he's been missing for three years, with the added bonus of knowing he'll be tasting that lipstick before the night is up.
"Spain," she says, turning her head from one side to the other and making a pensive face, "Ribera del Duero, to be more precise. A little darker than I prefer it, but still pretty excellent."
"You know that makes you a wino, right?" Jensen says. "Normal people can't do that."
Jay glares as she sets his glass back down in front of him. "Those grapes don't grow just anywhere. It's actually a very distinctive taste."
"Alright, lushy, whatever you say."
"Oh, excuse me if I know what I'm putting in my mouth, Mr. I'll-Drink-Anything-You-Want-to-Bring-Me.
"First of all, I asked for a recommendation. I figure he's been working here long enough to know a thing or two." Jay makes a noise, and Jensen powers on, "And, by the way, I've seen you eat Cheetos out of a couch because Misha dared you. Don't try to act classy with me."
"It was a triple-dog-dare, Jensen," she says very seriously before she ducks her head and starts cracking up. "Whatever. I like wine. Wine is important to me. And you're lucky the waiter brought you something decent, because I would call the whole thing off if our wine taste was not compatible."
Jensen kicks her under the table with his free foot, and she pouts. "That's no way to treat a lady. I know your mama taught you better."
"Alright, alright. We got the wine out of the way. Give me some of that steak."
"Did you forget to say please?"
Jensen reaches out and spears Jay's filet with his fork, and Jay makes a horrified face before jabbing her own fork into it to hold it down. "I'll cut you a piece," she says, laughing. "I'll cut you a piece. Stop reaching over the table. You're gonna start a goddamn fire!"
Jensen eyes the candle in the middle of the table and relents when he realizes it's about half an inch from his sleeve. "I'll give you some of mine," he offers.
"As if I want to eat that charcoal," she mutters to herself as she cuts. "See, this is how it goes. You order your steak medium and then when you realize how glorious my rare is, you want to steal it all. It's just not fair."
Jensen ignores her bitching, holding his hand out for the fork, but Jay smiles wickedly, leaning in as she extends the bite out toward Jensen. He takes the hint, closes his eyes and lets her feed it to him. He makes a soft moaning noise as he bites into it, just to really fuck with her.
She's watching him with dark eyes when he opens his and as he chews, she doesn't take her gaze off his mouth.
"That's good," he says, licking his lips as he pulls away. "What are you staring at?"
"Got such a pretty mouth, Jensen," she says hotly. "God, I can't believe I get to say that. You don’t know how many times I've wanted to tell you that."
"So why didn't you?" he asks before shoveling mashed potatoes into his allegedly pretty mouth.
Jay laughs. "Why didn't I tell you your mouth gets me all hot and bothered?"
"No, smartass," he replies once he's swallowed. "Why didn't you tell me how you felt? Before Danneel and Genevieve. Why didn't you just tell me? Even if I didn't feel the same way, you know I wouldn't have treated you differently. I could have tried to help. Who knows, maybe I would have figured my own shit out and we could have had this all the way back then."
To be fair, Jensen doesn't think he would have. Not when it took three years of heartache and Jay dressed up all pretty and spelling it out for him to even begin to understand it now. But he hates that Jared kept this from him, that all the best years of Jensen's life he was hurting Jared as much as Jared was comforting him. He'd like to think he would have at least figured out a way to let Jared down easy so he could live his goddamn life.
She looks down at her plate, her hair falling over her eyes and blocking her face so Jensen can't read it. "You know, the funny thing is I did tell you. I tried to tell you lots of times. Hell, even after you and Danneel got together. Even after I started with Genevieve. I dropped all the hints I could get away with."
Jensen's eyebrows draw together. He remembers Jared making jokes about them, when the fans were particularly aggressive and Jared had teased that they should just give in already, or when they had shared a night on the patio sipping beers and Jared had playfully suggested they might as well make out. "But those were jokes," Jensen says. "You were joking."
Jay bites her lip, then frowns slightly. "I let you think they were jokes. Jensen, you would have heard how serious I was if you'd wanted to. You never did. What was I supposed to do, push it? I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I couldn't imagine losing you."
"You lost me anyway," he says, trying not to sound too accusing.
"Yes," she says sadly.
Jensen reaches across the table, takes her hand before she can start eating again and holds it. "But you got me back."
"I've got you," she says, lifting her head. Her eyes are bright now, wide and sparkling—that damn face she used to make when Sam Winchester was being sincere. Jensen never had to act to know why Dean found that look so impossible. "I can't believe I've got you. I'd finally given up."
"How can I make you believe?" Jensen asks, bringing her hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back of three fingers. "I want you to trust me, Jay."
"I trust you. I do. It's…I don't think you can understand, Jen."
"I can try," he offers.
She shakes her head but lets Jensen keep her hand. "How long were you in love with Danneel before she and Riley broke up? A couple of months? A year maybe? I loved you so much when we were doing the show that I couldn't think of anyone else. And I knew I would never, ever get you."
Jensen stays quiet. He'd had a pretty serious crush on Danneel, sure, even experienced a healthy dose of guilt for wanting his friend's girl a few times. But it wasn't anything like what Jared's describing.
"Ten years, Jensen. Ten years," she looks down at their hands, resting together on the tabletop, and gives them a sad smile, "I spent nearly every minute of them by your side. And everyone would joke back then, you remember how they'd joke. Like we were meant to be or already together, like it was inevitable and we were crazy for trying to pretend otherwise. And I knew. At least the better part of me knew how untrue that was. But goddamn if there wasn't a piece of me that hoped. Just a sliver, but I couldn't ever squash it. I thought, if I loved you so much, you'd have to love me back someday. It would have to happen someday. One person couldn't love so much and not—"
She pulls her hand back from Jensen's to cover her mouth as if she's trying to choke something down and after a few seconds finally manages, "And then you married her. The show ended. I let you go, because I couldn't be happy for you anymore and I hated myself for it."
"Jay," Jensen says softly, bending over the table to cup her face and turn it toward him. "Jay."
"I'm sorry," she says, laughing at herself as she wipes at her eyes, careful not to smudge her makeup. "I told myself I'd be cool and collected and here I am ruining dinner."
"You're not ruining dinner, babe," Jensen says. She rolls her eyes and puffs out a dismissive breath, so Jensen smiles and adds, "Remember the time you decided to burp the alphabet?"
Jay gives a hiccup of a laugh and nods.
"Well, if that couldn't ruin this steak, what can?"
"Fair," she says. She takes a long, steadying breath and then lets it out slowly. "I guess what I was trying to say is just…this is new to you, Jensen. And I get that. But I've had this dream so many times and woken up. I don't know when, if ever, I'll stop anticipating it."
He sits back and nods curtly, thinking it over. Maybe he can't understand, but he can do his best to work with it. "That's okay," he says. "I'll be right here when you wake up. In the meantime—"
The waiter appears at their side to take their plates and offers a dessert menu.
Jay looks from him to Jensen and grins wickedly. "In the meantime, cake?"
Jensen's a red-blooded male. He's not about to turn down a chance to watch her lips curve into satisfied moans as the chocolate slides down her throat.
The drive home is a steady exchange of bad jokes and remember-whens, Jensen's hand resting easily on Jay's warm thigh. It's not until he pulls up in her driveway that he remembers this isn't going to be another night of beers and bad TV. Jensen can't just follow Jared in and pass out on his couch, big brown dogs draped on top of him for blankets.
"So," he says, looking from Jay to the door and back again. "Good night?"
"Don't even," she says, climbing halfway into Jensen's lap to grab his face and pull it toward her.
The kiss is almost as big as she is, lips swooping down onto his before he can even open up for it. He doesn't take long to catch on though, one hand tangling in her hair, the other settling on the small of her back, trying to pull her in. He's gonna mess up those nice curls he's been admiring all day, but it's hard to care when she's grinding against him.
"Jensen," she gasps against his mouth, turning her face to try and get a better angle. He grins, moving his whole body so it faces her, trying to make room. They'll never fit comfortably—she's larger than life.
His hand travels down, out of her hair, and slides onto her chest. He squeezes, the fabric under her dress supplying more than enough to keep his hands full, and he's getting so turned on he feels as much like a teenager as he probably looks, making out desperately in the front seat of his car.
"Jay," he whispers, pushing back to break the kiss. "Do you, uh, have anywhere to be tomorrow?"
She takes his hand in hers and presses it firmly against her breast again before leaning in and sucking lightly on his ear. "I don't have work," she tells him. "I don't have work this whole week. Stay the whole week if you want. Cancel your flight for all I care. Jensen, please. Come home."
He wants to tell her home is right here, close quarters with her just like old times, but he doesn't have to—she gets it. Home, the one place he can still belong, is right there through those doors, in the house they used to share together. She doesn't ask him back to her place. She's telling him to come home.
Jensen's got no reason or desire to turn that down.
As soon as he switches the car off and nods, she's out and on her way up the path so fast that all she looks like to Jensen is a blur. He gets out pretty quickly himself, following her like she's got her own gravity, which she probably does, come to think of it.
By the time he reaches the door, she's still forcing her key in and trying to open it. Jensen does his best to wrap his arms around her and push up to her back. The coat she's wearing isn't as big as the one she'd had on at the park, but it's enough of an obstacle, along with the sheer size of her, that Jensen can just hardly get his mouth on her neck.
"Jensen," she whines as she fights with the lock. "Trying to concentrate."
He ignores the complaint, keeps his mouth attached to her skin until finally she calls out with victory, the hand with the keys flying up into the air like the Cowboys just won the Super Bowl, and the door falls open, pulling them both in with it.
Sadie is immediately there to greet them, her head bumping against their legs excitedly. Jay bends low to pet her quickly, then shoos her with an apology as she straightens and takes Jensen's hand, as if he needs to be led to her bedroom.
He kisses her once they're inside with the door closed and turns her toward the bed. She returns it easily enough, her hands gripping the sides of Jensen's face tightly, but she stops before he can push her onto the mattress.
Which is totally okay with Jensen. Jensen can be a gentleman and wait until she's ready. It's not like he'll die of blue balls. Probably.
"Baby," he says, trying to drag her back in, get her mouth on his again. "What's wrong?"
"Don't worry," she says, fingers slipping down under Jensen's shirt and pushing it up and off. "Not gonna say no to you," she promises. "Never intend to say no to you again."
Jensen lets her break the kiss long enough to lose the clothes, but when he reaches out to remove her dress, she stops him.
"You stay here," she says, pressing a quick kiss against his mouth and taking a step back. She points to her bathroom and gives him an apologetic smile. "I'll be right back, okay? Don't have anything on when I return."
Jensen nods, watching her go reluctantly, and then undoes his jeans. He feels stupid waiting in the room, alone and naked, so he keeps his boxers on and sits at the foot of the bed, his face propped on his chin as he waits. He doesn't even know what he's waiting for, but it takes so long that he starts to worry she's climbed out of the bathroom window just to get away from him.
And then the door swings open. Jay's leaning in the archway, and Jensen's mouth goes dry as his eyes travel slowly down the length of her. She's let her hair down now, and it frames her face wildly. Messy, yes, from Jensen putting his hands all over it, but it's sexy as hell.
He's seen some pretty impressive lingerie, but that's not what she's wearing, and whatever disappointment he might have felt if told he wasn't gonna get to see her naked dissolves in an instant. She's got a bright red corset on, shaping her into an almost dainty, ladylike silhouette, and her satin underwear matches it perfectly. Jensen's dick is stirring to life at a truly alarming rate.
"Jesus," he mutters, wondering if she's had this on all night under that slinky black dress she wore to the restaurant.
His eyes keep roving. It feels like ten minutes before he's taken in every inch of her long, long legs, and propping her up, making them look even better than they would on their own, she's still wearing the big, spiky red heels she'd had on earlier.
Jensen kind of hopes she doesn't plan to take them off.
"Jay," he says in awe.
She ducks her head, looking down at herself. "Do I…I don't look stupid, right?"
"No," he tells her. "God, no."
Jensen stands and is at her side in two quick strides. She smells lightly of flowers, some girly perfume Jensen would have teased Jared about had he found it in his friend's bathroom three years ago. Now it envelopes him, wrapping Jensen up in this brand new version of Jared, in Jay, and the sweet promises she brings.
He stares a little longer, brings his hands up maybe a bit too presumptuously to grab her tight ass. He wants to claim it, all of her really, and he can't keep away a second longer. She groans, and Jensen backs her up into the wall, trying his best to kiss her. She's too damn tall with those heels on; he feels ridiculous and shrimpy and so goddamn unworthy.
She laughs, just like Jared would, and damned if that doesn't make Jensen's heart ache in the best way possible. "Jensen," she murmurs as she ducks down enough to catch his mouth. One of her fingers hooks in the elastic of his boxers, and she tugs. "I thought I told you to be naked."
Her voice is a dark drawl now. Jensen's heard it before, learned to associate it with Jared when he's tired or drunk. Or horny, apparently.
"Not willing to work for it?" he teases, his mouth still straining up toward hers, and he feels her answering smile as she pushes his boxers and drops them.
They slide down his legs, and Jensen raises each foot, kicking free. He backs up, pulling her with him toward the bed, and she nearly stumbles on her heels. "Whoa, careful there," she says, but she's laughing. "Broken legs are not gonna get anyone laid faster."
He sits on the mattress, pulling her down with him, and she follows as if his movements are her own. He kisses her once they're both sitting, mostly just because he can finally reach. "Jay."
"Mmm," she says, her lips pursing out as she pulls away.
Jensen gets a hand in her hair, about to draw her in for another kiss, but she holds him right where he is and begins to lie back, her head resting on the pillows and her long body unfolding on the bed. Jensen moves with her once he gets what she's trying to do, so he's hovering over her, holding himself up with one hand and still tangling his fingers in her hair with the other.
They kiss, but when Jensen tries to slide between her legs, she stops him with a hand over his heart.
"Wait," she says.
Jensen feels his breath catch in anticipation. "What's wrong, darlin'?"
She shakes her head. "Nothing," she says, keeping her eyes on Jensen's until they dip down, first to his chest, then lower and lower. "Just wanna look at you for a moment. Never thought I'd get to see you like this."
He lets her look as much as she wants until finally she nods, licking her lips. She turns her face away from him for only a moment, opening her nightstand drawer to pull out a bottle of lube and a condom. She hands the condom to Jensen but keeps the lube in a tight grip.
"I have to…" She looks down at the bottle, pointedly away from Jensen. "I'm not loose enough for you yet. It's okay if you don't want to do this, Jensen. I can do it myself, if you don't want to touch—"
Jensen snatches the bottle out of her hand and curls a finger under her chin, forcing her to look up at him. He leans in and kisses her quickly, then lets his voice grow heavy with intent as he presses his lips to her ear. "Love getting my girls ready," he says. "Fucking love making 'em beg for my dick. You're not any different, Jay. I'm gonna make you cry for it."
She groans, hips bucking up, and Jensen swallows, wanting to believe it'll be that easy. It's not any different, maybe, only he wouldn't know. He's never done this before and he's a little terrified.
The bottle cap opens with a quiet click as he flicks it, and he sits back on his knees to get a better view of her. Now that she's lying down in front of him, now that he can see her right up close, the illusion's not quite as complete as it had been before. She's completely hard, cock a thick line through the satin, head sticking out from the top of her panties. It's tenting the fabric, and her balls spill out from the sides where the underwear can't hold her in.
"Jensen," she says softly. "Don't look."
He shakes his head. It's…okay, it's a lot more difference than he'd prepared himself for, but it's not entirely unattractive, either. She's so fucking hard for him. He never thought that could turn him on, but seeing the effect he's having—seeing how much she wants him—it's one of the most filthy, erotic, beautiful things he thinks he's ever witnessed.
Jensen reaches out, wanting to stroke the length of her through the silky fabric and feel just how desperate she is. But she catches his wrist before he can, holds on so tight it snaps him right back into the present. Reminds him of who it is he's fucking and why they're so much stronger than him.
"Jay," he says. "Baby, I don't mind. I want—"
"No," she says. "Please. Just pretend it's not there. Please, Jen."
He looks up at her, sees a sad look in her eyes and pulls his hand back. He's selfish and he's stupid and he's not really equipped to be with a woman like this. He thought she was trying to keep him from touching for his sake, that she'd assumed he didn't want it. It never occurred to him that she doesn't want it. That part of her won't help her feel like his girl, no matter how much attention he wants to give it.
With a nod to let her know he understands, or at least thinks he understands, he squeezes some lube out onto his fingers and rubs it between them. She spreads herself wider, which makes his dick get wet with precome, because she easily has the best legs of anyone he's ever fucked—long, tan, thickly muscled skin, wantonly arranged to make room for him.
Jensen puts his dry hand on the inside of her thigh to make sure she's as open as she'll go, and his blood pumps wildly through him once he touches her smooth skin. He knew she shaved—obviously she shaves, not just her legs but her chest and arm pits and the neat little triangle of hair he saw poking out over her cock, too. But feeling it is somehow different than just knowing or seeing it. This, more than kissing her or touching her or talking about it, brings it home how real this is, not just for him but for Jared, too.
The panties have a slit in them, which he hadn't realized until now. It's not like he didn't know she got all dressed up for him to fuck her, but something about that, about the intent behind crotchless panties, makes him worry he's gonna come before he even gets a chance.
"Jesus, Jay," he says. "Are you—?"
"Nope," she replies, grinning wide. "Not Jesus. Try again."
He ignores her smartass comment, mostly because his brain isn't really back up to speed just yet. "You're gonna kill me," he says, moving forward and sliding his fingers through the slit.
She reaches down, guiding him to her hole, and Jensen presses two wet fingers into her. It's tight but it gives way to him easier than he would have expected if he'd ever stopped to expect this. "You good?" he asks her.
She nods, giving him a small smile and shifting her body around him. "Go on, Jensen."
He nods, slowly moving his fingers in as deep as they'll go and back out. He's got decades of experience making girls feel good; he's only now realizing that's not going to help him here. He fucks in again, changing the angle a little, hoping he'll find something she likes. It takes a few more tries before finally she makes a quiet, satisfied sound, and Jensen repeats his movement exactly to pull it out again.
She's not quite crying yet, but her mouth slips up into a dopey, content smile, and Jensen presses harder, scissoring his fingers to hit that spot she likes. It makes her start moaning, and he takes some hope from that.
"That good?" he asks.
"Yeah, Jen," she tells him, opening her eyes and blinking hazily before she can look him in the eye. "God, so good. So good. Want more."
He nods, memorizing the spot she likes before pulling his fingers out and pushing a third in. That makes her finally gasp and writhe on him, her cries growing a little louder. Jensen reaches up with his thumb, pushing where her clit would be, hoping he'll brush her balls with enough friction to feel good without breaking the illusion.
To his relief, she lets out a long, keening sound, and Jensen leans in closer as he finger fucks her. "Got such a tight little pussy, Jay. Wanna put my dick in there, feel how wet you are for me. So wet."
She nods enthusiastically, but, Jensen is a little smug to notice, she can't make the words to answer him. He keeps circling his thumb on her, whispers filthy things about her clit and how much he wants to taste it until finally she sits up, hands on his bicep. "Jensen, you gotta fuck me. Please, you gotta fuck me now."
He takes his hand back and wipes it off on the sheets, and she begins to turn over. "If you do it from behind, it'll be easier for you to pretend I'm a real woman."
Jensen stops her. "Wanna see you," he tells her. "Jay, come on. Let me see you."
Her smile is unsure, but soft and honest all the same. "If you really want that."
He nods, putting his mouth on her neck and sucking at her as he puts the condom on and slicks his cock up for her. She holds the underwear open for him, just enough for him to see her cunt so he can slide into it.
Tight was an understatement. Pushing in isn't hard—she's relaxed and ready to receive him—but he thinks he might be stuck once he's breached her. His breath all leaves him in one long curse, and she laughs, pulling him in and holding him there.
"Do I feel good, Jensen?"
Jensen nods, overwhelmed by how incredible it is. "You've got the tightest cunt I've ever fucked," he tells her, pulling out to test it and sliding back in.
"That's sweet," she jokes. "You missed the call on being a poet."
He jerks forward hard, hoping to hit her sweet spot, because she should not be coherent enough to be snarky when he's balls deep inside of her. She makes a surprised sound, half a laugh and half a groan, and then her arms and legs are wrapped around him, encouraging him to do it again.
Her shoes dig into his ass, big big heels hurting like a motherfucker, and he can't help thrusting and thrusting because he's never had a girl willing to do something that kinky, and here she is, laying it all out for him their first time. His ass is gonna be sore and bruised for a week, and he can't help thinking nothing's ever felt as good as this pain.
"God, Jensen. So big," she says, panting as he moves inside her. "Such a big, strong man. Always loved that about you. Always loved how strong you are."
He feels his face flush, his blood getting so hot under the skin it's almost unbearable. He knows, as far as dirty talk goes, she's not saying anything particularly special. But she sounds like she believes it, sounds so convinced she makes Jensen believe it. It's been so long since he's felt whole.
He looks down at her, hoping to see something in her face that'll convince him. Her eyes move up to his immediately, her mouth caught open as the breath punches out of her. Her expression is needy, so so damn needy. The last woman who needed him like this—he wasn't enough. But all Jay needs is to know he wants her. Even Jensen can't screw that up.
"You're gorgeous," he tells her, pulling back so he can really catch her gaze. He holds himself up, one hand planted on the mattress on either side of her face, and moves slowly, slow enough to be sure she can focus on what he's saying. "So gorgeous, Jay. Wanna see you just like this. Wanna keep you all to myself. Forever. Never gonna let anyone else have you, baby."
She makes a sound like he's hurting her, and he smiles, bending his arms so that his face comes down to kiss hers. He'll hurt her just like this, every night for the rest of his goddamn life. She shudders, returning the kiss with so much energy that one of her legs slips lazily to the mattress and lies there pliant while the other is still holding him tight.
One hand on each of her strong thighs, Jensen begins to roll his hips into her in earnest, almost losing control. Unable to focus on if he's doing what she wants him to, but she's not exactly being quiet about whether it's good for her or not.
Most of what she's saying, voice broken and needy, is his name. He moves down to get his lips against hers so he can taste some of that praise, and reaches up with one hand to squeeze her breast while he's at it.
"Jensen," she tells him. "Jensen, turn me over. Please. Turn me over."
"Told you I wanna see you," he says.
She shakes her head. "Please. Jen. Need relief. Need to come. Please."
Jensen wants to punch himself. He's gotten it wrong again. He pulls out and lets her reposition herself, diving back in immediately. He slaps his hand hard on the meat of her ass, making her yelp out in surprise as he renews his grip on her and pulls her pussy back up to meet him.
She works back against him now, fucking down hard with him so that her hips press against the bed. Jensen finally gets what she's doing, how she plans to come without either of them touching her cock, so he shoves her down, screwing roughly into her as she humps the mattress desperately.
"Oh god, right there," she says. "Right fucking—love you there. Love your cock. Oh god, Jensen. I love it. I love it. Jensen. I—" He buries his face in her neck as he fucks her, feeling his orgasm coming quick, and she shouts every time he slides in. "I love—I love you, Jensen."
His name that last time seems to go on forever, and he loses himself in it. She's coming, he knows it without having to reach around to feel it, so he manfully resists the urge, grabbing the headboard instead and shoving into her with all the strength he's got left. It's not long, not long at all, before his balls are drawing up tight and then he's spilling come with a low groan.
He lets himself fall down on top of her, too overwhelmed by the sudden rush of pleasure to be considerate. He continues with a few lazy thrusts as his aftershocks keep him coming in small surges, until he's got nothing left in him.
He's about to pull out, but she reaches back, stopping him.
"Stay," she says. "Just lie there like that a little bit longer. Just want to hold you there a little longer."
He laughs, pressing a few kisses over the wide expanse of her shoulders. "Not gonna be ready to go again anytime soon, if that's what you're trying to hint at."
"Are you crazy?" Jay asks. "I am very thoroughly fucked for one night, thank you."
They both laugh, and then they lie like that, quiet and peaceful, until she squeezes his arm to let him know he can move, and Jensen's now completely soft cock slides out with ease. He almost doesn't want to leave, the hot clench of her so damn inviting he thinks he could live inside her, but it's worth it to watch her turn over and see the smile on her face.
"Hi," he says, just to say something, his pinky and forefinger brushing the sweaty hair away from her face. Her make-up is all over and her hair is a sexed up mess, but those big teeth are so bright he feels like he may go blind looking at them directly.
"Hey, gorgeous," she says back.
Jensen catches his lip between his teeth. "Think that's supposed to be my line."
"God, you're cheesy," she says, sitting up and wiggling her way out of Jensen's arms.
"Where you going?" he asks, trying to catch her and reel her back in.
She evades his grasp, getting up out of bed. He settles for watching her, the way her leg muscles flex as they balance themselves on those heels. He's had worse consolation prizes.
"Hard enough to breathe in a corset when you're not getting fucked," she says, throwing the words over her shoulder. Her walk is an elegant sway, clearly calculated to keep his eyes on her ass. How she can do that in shoes like those after Jensen just fucked her sideways, he'll never know. She's one hell of a woman.
The bathroom light flickers on a second before she disappears into the room, and the door swings shut behind her. Jensen lets himself fall back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. His mind is a little hazy from all the pleasure, and instead of fighting it, he lets himself drift until the light filtering in from the bathroom calls his attention back to reality.
He turns over to face her, elbow propping his head up, and his eyes widen when he sees that she has somehow managed to surprise him yet again.
It's not a sexy nightgown, nothing like the lacey things Danneel favored. It's almost girlish, light purple cotton with small flowers scattered over it. It only reaches mid-thigh, but that probably has more to do with her improbable height and broadness than with any desire to get Jensen to ogle her. She looks adorable more than anything, and the sight of her makes something in Jensen melt.
She walks over to the bed, sitting at the edge. Jensen reaches out for her, one hand settling on her thigh, fingers slipping up her skirt just to feel her warm skin. "You staying?" she asks.
Jensen nearly laughs. It hadn't occurred to him yet that there was another option. "You want me to?"
She doesn't answer him, just digs a big t shirt and some spare boxers out of a drawer and throws them at his head. By the time he's changed and brushed his teeth, she's already in bed under the covers. She's lying almost directly in the middle with her back to the bathroom; Jensen feels a small smile curve on his lips, and he turns the lights off, sliding into the space she made for him. It takes a few minutes to find a comfortable way to hold her, but he doesn't let go once he has it.
BACK TO MASTERPOST